I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
