This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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