She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
