its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
