Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
