After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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