so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
