im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
