If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am one with the molecules
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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