Your mouth is God's brothel.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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