Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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