i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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