Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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