The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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