It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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