I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
