cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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