yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
