Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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