Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
