he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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