we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!