Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
