Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures

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  (586) You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures http://tfl.nu/u67a
  Replies (2) Good night (717) Bad night (1148)
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  (415): View more from California

  No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."

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  (415): No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love." http://tfl.nu/xky8
  Replies (91) Good night (4543) Bad night (1252)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.

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  (804): she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob. http://tfl.nu/tpno
  Replies (41) Good night (4698) Bad night (3639)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.

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  (815): come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/ur6c
  Replies (20) Good night (2100) Bad night (5487)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again

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  (225): Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again http://tfl.nu/n0xl
  Replies (5) Good night (3151) Bad night (1071)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.

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  (540): Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place. http://tfl.nu/p2sn
  Replies (4) Good night (1715) Bad night (686)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot

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  (810): Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot http://tfl.nu/f236
  Replies (5) Good night (1866) Bad night (674)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.

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  (570): I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk. http://tfl.nu/odgi
  Replies (5) Good night (1241) Bad night (453)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.

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  (419): Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli. http://tfl.nu/0eu4
  Replies (8) Good night (1043) Bad night (560)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.

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  (774): I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it. http://tfl.nu/ttfm
  Replies (27) Good night (4723) Bad night (939)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...

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  (303): Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"... http://tfl.nu/l31e
  Replies (7) Good night (1435) Bad night (456)
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  (310): View more from California

  I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass

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  (310): I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass http://tfl.nu/6152
  Replies (6) Good night (1853) Bad night (551)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.

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  (727): I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade. http://tfl.nu/63zw
  Replies (2) Good night (823) Bad night (258)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I went on an adventure and now we have more food.

  (360): View more from Washington

  Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.

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  (360): I went on an adventure and now we have more food. (360): Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible. http://tfl.nu/3w1h
  Replies (0) Good night (505) Bad night (269)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.

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  (845): Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus. http://tfl.nu/x306
  Replies (0) Good night (327) Bad night (829)

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