he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
