i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
