it wasn't lemon gatorade
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
