so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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