i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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