smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
