Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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