The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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