At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
