3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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