Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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