so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
