areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
