The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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