College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
