then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i dont even know how to be here
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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