i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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