I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
this is an emotional support booty call
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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