I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
MIDGETS
????
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You ruined the universe
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
