Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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