I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf