Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me

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  (330): now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me http://tfl.nu/m2x7
  Replies (6) Good night (2967) Bad night (733)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!

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  (404): Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food! http://tfl.nu/vzr5
  Replies (26) Good night (7775) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Who pooed in my magic bullet?

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  Sorry the bathroom was being used.

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  (613): Who pooed in my magic bullet? (1-613): Sorry the bathroom was being used. http://tfl.nu/qp1c
  Replies (9) Good night (928) Bad night (4736)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.

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  (319): went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there. http://tfl.nu/ufbv
  Replies (9) Good night (3688) Bad night (888)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.

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  (803): i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright. http://tfl.nu/lklv
  Replies (39) Good night (7045) Bad night (1762)
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  (510): View more from California

  You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.

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  (510): You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen. http://tfl.nu/ldf9
  Replies (20) Good night (1298) Bad night (7535)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich

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  (717): Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich http://tfl.nu/kdwm
  Replies (5) Good night (841) Bad night (2426)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.

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  (214): He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am. http://tfl.nu/wn9t
  Replies (4) Good night (2254) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us

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  (304): Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us http://tfl.nu/9jfi
  Replies (4) Good night (2679) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.

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  (951): I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them. http://tfl.nu/loif
  Replies (33) Good night (2055) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.

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  (330): It started with jello shots. It ended with tears. http://tfl.nu/yarv
  Replies (3) Good night (1133) Bad night (986)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.

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  (817): Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car. http://tfl.nu/zuv0
  Replies (13) Good night (2653) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"

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  (205): He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos" http://tfl.nu/1xhi
  Replies (10) Good night (1685) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time

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  (262): And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time http://tfl.nu/233l
  Replies (0) Good night (652) Bad night (310)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of

  (212): View more from New York

  fuck you.

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  (615): well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of (212): fuck you. http://tfl.nu/d4hh
  Replies (3) Good night (473) Bad night (762)

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