Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes