Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast