5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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