If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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