at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
a search helicopter?!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
