The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
