lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
