Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
