i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
