im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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