This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
