I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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