I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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