I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
