I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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