apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
