____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
