Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
