Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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