we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
