I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
