Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
