He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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