You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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