I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
