can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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