I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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