she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
