She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
