Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize