im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
