Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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