i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
