oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
