I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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